Passion

Dear Justin, 
 
I REALLY enjoyed having you at home during the holidays.  I hope you are 
well-rested and looking forward to starting your spring semester at UNCG.  
You're in a good position because now you know what is required to perform at a 
higher level in college.  I am proud that you made the mature decision to remove 
the potential distractions and start off on the right foot. 
 
Your words of wisdom last night at Ragazzi's really rang true today.  Nicolas 
performed poorly at his audition and I tried so hard to restrain from really 
laying into him.  I realize now that only HE can do what is required and as you 
said HE needs to find a motivation to perform.  I can't push him or it will 
backfire.  Unfortunately, he 'shut down' like he's done for years and that is 
something I cannot control.  Your words of wisdom are thoughtful and caring when 
it comes to your brother.  I am so proud and impressed with how well you 
expressed your opinion and observations on the subject.  I do think psychology 
is your calling. 
 
And speaking on the subject of talents and skills something else you shared 
while you were home has been weighing on my mind.  When you confessed something 
to the effect that you know you'll never be great at music so you're not gonna 
pursue it, I have to say this really bothered me.  You ARE musically inclined.  
And you SHOULD continue to study music.  It is and has been a special kind of 
therapy for you that has helped you express yourself and explore your 
creativity.  I have observed that music, for you, may indeed be YOUR PASSION! 
 
While you may not foresee yourself becoming the next Eric Clapton or Chopin you 
should never give up your passion.  Our passion is what drives us as humans.  It 
can make the difference of a 'so-so' life and a life that is fulfilled and, dare 
I say, 'Happy'. 
 
I must pass on this wisdom to you right now, at this very moment, for I too gave 
up my passion during college when I realized, by others standards (and my own) 
that I was not 'good enough'.  Now, at my ripe old age of 45, I realize that by 
giving up what gave me joy I've short-changed my life of potential 'inner' 
happiness.  And 'inner' happiness is probably the most important of all.  If we 
are not fulfilled within ourselves we live our lives with an emptiness and a 
feeling of not ever being good enough.  We measure our wealth based on other's 
opinions and that is not right. 
 
When I was a little girl I enjoyed sketching and painting in water colors.  I 
pursued my interest in high school and had plans to study it in college.  But, 
one of my teachers criticized me and this hurt my self-confidence.  I felt so 
inadequate that I NEVER took an art class in college.  And, art was my PASSION!  
Now that I am in the middle of my life I realize that what I've been searching 
for all of these years is what makes me happy, what fulfills me.  I realize that 
art, writing, and creating is my PASSION.  And, while I don't necessarily have 
regrets, I do wish that I went with my gut and what gave me inspiration, joy, 
and happiness. 
 
Please take my advice seriously.  I love when you make music and it makes ME 
feel good.  When I see the joy it brings you, it is inspiring.  Please continue 
to use music as an outlet to create and be yourself.  Use music as your joy and 
don't let ANYONE discourage you.  You are musically talented and have always 
been.  Chorus, clarinet, guitar, piano...whatever you touch turns to gold; don't 
forget it! 
 
Love you so much, 
 
Mom