Okay, so I just revealed to the world (and admitted to myself) my current weight. Does it feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders? Yes and no. It is out there and I can't retract it. Now, I have to change it. And, that's a scary thing!
But first, let me put things in perspective. Call it a running history of my weights ups and downs. A chronology of dabbling with different diets. A segmented sequence of suffering, perhaps. In order to move forward I have to acknowledge where I've come from.
In sixth grade I was my full adult height of 5'4". I had already reached puberty. I sported a healthy weight of 125 pounds.
In eighth grade, after putting on some pounds, I starved myself and exercised my weight down to 135 pounds. I would starve all day, eat dinner, exercise for 30 minutes (leg lifts, sit ups, arm circles) and occasionally gorged myself on a box of fat-free Mike&Ike fruit candies. Bad habits.
High school came and more weight piled on. When I did get rid of it, it was never gone for long, and it came back and brought along a few friends, every time. By eleventh grade, my mom started The Diet Center diet and was having great success. I weighed in at 174 pounds in October of 1981. I started the same diet with my mom and by February of 1982 (five months later) I was down to 125. I could actually fit into my size 10 Calvin Klein jeans (they were very popular at the time).
During my college years, while I was far away from the drama at home, I hovered around a size 14-16. I was comfortable enough in my own skin that I would actually wear a bikini to the Florida beaches. Basically, I felt good about myself and didn't give a fuck. I was really being me.
By the time I graduated college in 1987, and went back home with my tail between my legs, I ballooned up to a size 24 quickly. Crazy shit was going on at home (impending divorce and alcoholic drama) and I ate my way into oblivion. When being passed over for a promotion at work I decided to try Nutri-System. It was August of 1989 and I was at least 220. By January of 1990, five months later, I shed 50 pounds, was down to a size 14, and had a new boyfriend.
My boyfriend turned into my husband. I got a better job at a better firm. With a career came stress. I went to Weight Watchers to try to get my weight under control. By this time I had gained all my weight back. After just two months of going to WW, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. It was a high-risk pregnancy. I had high blood pressure. For the last month of my pregnancy I had to get fetal monitoring twice a week and get an ultra-sound each week as well. They estimated my baby's weight at 10 pounds on his due date. After an unsuccessful induction, we did a C-section. I began my pregnancy at 220. I ended it at 255. And, I got down to 235.
Four and a half years later in 1996, and with a less-stressful job, I gave birth to my second son at 250 pounds. I hadn't gained as much weight and did not have much trouble with this pregnancy. It was a repeat C-section.
Every year it seems that I had goals of getting healthy and losing weight. I kept some of the documentation over the years and here is just a snippet of the consistent elevation of my weight:
During the last couple of years my mother and I have tried Herbalife protein shakes. As you can see, not much progress was gained. I would love to do something like Nutri-System again but it is way too expensive and I really don't like the idea of packaged food.
Bar none, the best and most healthy diet I was on was The Diet Center diet. It incorporated unlimited vegetables, lean protein, fruit (you must have one apple a day), and little to no carbs. And, of course, water. I am adapting a diet similar to this one. I plan to have three to six meals a day (breakfast, lunch, and dinner plus three snacks). My caloric intake will range between 1500-1800 calories per day. I plan to exercise 30 minutes a day 3 times a week and then continuously increase time and frequency as I am able.
I don't think my shoulders could handle another increase of weight. It is time to shed the old me and transform into the person I know I was meant to be.