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Monday, August 16, 2010

The Inability to Make Decisions

I am by nature an expressive-analytical creature.  While there are enormous benefits to wearing such a label like:  being creative, detail-oriented, and accurate, there are definite hindrances.

One prime example is the creation of this blog.  While most people would look at the varied options for templates, colors, and fonts and make a quick decision instinctively, I am dissecting the impact of each variable.  My ability to over-think the small stuff makes a supposedly fun task, painstaking.  It is frustrating that I can't just go with the flow.  I have to second-guess everything and by doing that my whole life, I haven't quite accomplished everything that I want.  My indecision has created many roadblocks to my success.

So, perhaps my goal in creating this blog is to get to the meat of me.  To figure out how and why I tick the way I do.  To acknowledge the truth of my experience.  To reveal the depth of my pain (and there's plenty of that).  But mostly to purge a lot of these poisonous thoughts and habits so that I can begin a new phase in my life where it is a new and fresh approach to living.

Yes, it is really all about me.  And if you are not interested then that is your prerogative.  But, personally, I find that I can learn a lot about myself by reading about other people's lives and their opinions and experiences.  Most of the time, other people's blogs assure me that I am not alone and that even with our differences it is our similarities that keep us human and empathetic.

You are certainly entitled to share your thoughts, opinions, and even give advice.  But, just a warning that I may not agree or even try to change my behavior based on your suggestion.  But, rest assured, it will be contemplated in some form or another.

Bottom line is that I've got to figure out myself.  I choose to do it through writing.  At this point it is the cheapest form of therapy and I need it desperately.  This is the first big decision I've made for myself, by myself, in a long time and it is done.

2 comments:

  1. Good for you. Writing has led me to uncover all kinds of things about myself. Some good... some not so good. It's all a process. You've always been an amazing woman... and a great friend.

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  2. Carolyn, thank you for your inspiration! Your support and friendship have given me the courage to reveal my true and authentic self. Love you.

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