I prefer to read non-fiction books, mostly in the self-improvement genre. From weight-loss to personal finance to psychology, my personal library has been filled at times. I've dabbled in autobiographies and read most of the former-child star-recovering addict books that hit the shelves throughout 2009.
In my quest to heal myself and get on with my purpose in life I have renewed my interest in reading some of the inspiring and empowering books that will enable me to change my way of thinking. For instance, I just re-read Rhonda Byrnes', The Secret. I had read it over two years ago and even saw the DVD. However, when I read it this time, I paid more attention to the basic principles. I want to start each day a new way by keeping just a few key points in mind. We are all energy and connected in the universe. The law of attraction tells us when we ask and believe we receive. We must be grateful for everything positive in our life and remind ourselves to attract even more goodness.
I am finding it difficult to tackle these simple principles. For so long, and maybe it's just a part of my fabric, I've been negative, depressed, and bogged down with feelings of worthlessness. To pull yourself out of this puddle of quicksand takes enormous mental and emotional strength and at times I have serious doubts as to whether or not I can accomplish this task. My intention is to live a more joyful and happy life but I am caught in an emotionally draining situation. I know I can't just take off and run away to the beach by myself to think and reflect. I have to face my reality.
There is a beautiful person I know who radiates positivity and warm energy not only in person but in her daily entries on Facebook. Kasius is a successful fashion model. My kids had an opportunity to spend some time with their cousin and the rest of the family in upstate New York this past summer. When I asked each of my boys, separately, to name three people they enjoyed meeting and spending time with they each said Kasius. I inquired as to why and they both talked about her positivity and how she makes people feel when she's around. Kasius recently made a Facebook entry and I commented with the famous line "I'll have what she's having!" from the movie "When Harry Met Sally". I just couldn't believe that someone who leads such a busy life takes the time to appreciate every little detail of her life. She is a master at living in the moment and showing gratitude. My niece replied with a suggested list of reading material to get me in the 'right' mindset. As it turns out, The Secret, was on her list; and, I just happened to be reading it! Irony, coincidence, or the law of attraction? You decide.
I'm getting ready to tackle the next book on the list called, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay. The title alone promises an exercise in deep soul-searching and an inner cleanse of the bad vibes that may be holding me back. I am such a slow reader (always have been) but I hope to finish this book by the end of the weekend. I anticipate that my next entry would include things I've learned about myself and basic principles I can take away to incorporate in my life.
My goal is to get inspired into a new way of approaching life that will benefit not only myself but those I love and the world around me. I have an overwhelming need to shed all the crap and sludge in my life that is weighing me down (literally and figuratively) and to reveal a more positive and healthy me. I can visualize myself taking off a heavy winter coat covered in heavy mud and adorned with symbols that represent negative things from my past. The good thing is that I see my self emerging as a lighter and brighter version of me.
Realistically I know this will be a long process and it won't happen overnight. But, every day is a new beginning and with every entry or confession that I make in this journal I am one step closer to being able to live a life of my truth. Shedding the toxins within will not be cured by a two-week over-the-counter colon cleanse. It will take work, effort, commitment, and enthusiasm; things that I struggle with on a daily basis.
Deep down I want to do this and at this point I'm getting tired of hearing my own excuses. I've got to "shit or get off the pot". My time is limited and I would hate to leave this world not fulfilling my purpose. To die now without achieving my goals and to leave so much untapped creativity on the table would be a sin.
First and lastly, I must thank myself for having the sense to realize the necessity of my mission and the courage to take the steps to make it so.