Ode to an Old Friend

What the heck did I do before Facebook?

I guess it was just over two years ago that I discovered Facebook, signed up, and started to reconnect with old friends.  It came at a time in my life when I could really use some extra support and love.  I truly appreciate a lot of the new-found friendships with people I knew from my past.

I began with an extensive list of people who have touched my life in some way, shape, or form.  Then, I extended my search to former classmates, neighbors, and some acquaintances.  At one point, it got totally out of hand and I was friending some people whom I never met but felt that our fondness for certain Facebook games was enough.  Needless to say, some time last year I kind of 'weeded' out those folks whom I truly didn't know or have a connection with or an appreciaton for.

I am not one of those people who measure my popularity or love by the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook.  I've never been popular or with the 'in' crowd.  I'm the type of person who would rather have a handful of meaningful connections than a multitude of acquaintances.  I am at the point, now, to really go through and evaluate who I want to be connected with.  Some may say, "Why are you making a big deal about it?".  But, I have to be honest and reveal that some folks have just pissed me off.

It's been eating away at me that someone that I grew up with and have known since we were young kids has basically ignored my attempts to reach out to them.  I really didn't want to give her the satisfaction of showing that I even cared but I'm not much for hiding my feelings.  The truth is I'm hurt.  Every October 29th I think about her (after all, it's her birthday) and I recall fond memories of our friendship.  Looking back on it, she never appeared to extend the same kindness nor reciprocate birthday wishes.

I've ruminated over what I might have done to her to make her treat me so coldly.  Yes, I posted pictures of us when we were kids.  But, when I look at them I have good childhood memories.  I recall the fun times we had.  I remember the laughter.  I've also thought about her, as a person, and how she may just think she's 'too good' to be associated with me.  Is it because my husband is black?  Is it because I am obese?  I know these are shallow thoughts and conclusions but when I think about her and her personality, I wouldn't put it past her.

The thing I struggle with is expressing how this rejection is making me sad.  It does make me feel less than worthwhile.  It hurts because someone I've loved and cared about as a friend doesn't feel the same about me.  And, it's not like we just met each other!  This is a person whom I've confided in since I was a little girl.  I've gone on vacation with her family.  She visited me at college.  I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

But, we lost touch.  She got married.  Moved away.  I had my family and moved away.  We sent Christmas cards for a few years then, nothing.  I've made the attempts to reconnect.  I've sent e-mails, letters, even a package.  I've got to figure out how to deal with this rejection.

Do I just de-friend her from Facebook and call it a day?  Do I just tuck away all the pictures and memories in a little box and bury it in the past?

How do I let go of an old friend?