What the heck did I do before Facebook?
I guess it was just over two years ago that I discovered Facebook, signed up, and started to reconnect with old friends. It came at a time in my life when I could really use some extra support and love. I truly appreciate a lot of the new-found friendships with people I knew from my past.
I began with an extensive list of people who have touched my life in some way, shape, or form. Then, I extended my search to former classmates, neighbors, and some acquaintances. At one point, it got totally out of hand and I was friending some people whom I never met but felt that our fondness for certain Facebook games was enough. Needless to say, some time last year I kind of 'weeded' out those folks whom I truly didn't know or have a connection with or an appreciaton for.
I am not one of those people who measure my popularity or love by the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook. I've never been popular or with the 'in' crowd. I'm the type of person who would rather have a handful of meaningful connections than a multitude of acquaintances. I am at the point, now, to really go through and evaluate who I want to be connected with. Some may say, "Why are you making a big deal about it?". But, I have to be honest and reveal that some folks have just pissed me off.
It's been eating away at me that someone that I grew up with and have known since we were young kids has basically ignored my attempts to reach out to them. I really didn't want to give her the satisfaction of showing that I even cared but I'm not much for hiding my feelings. The truth is I'm hurt. Every October 29th I think about her (after all, it's her birthday) and I recall fond memories of our friendship. Looking back on it, she never appeared to extend the same kindness nor reciprocate birthday wishes.
I've ruminated over what I might have done to her to make her treat me so coldly. Yes, I posted pictures of us when we were kids. But, when I look at them I have good childhood memories. I recall the fun times we had. I remember the laughter. I've also thought about her, as a person, and how she may just think she's 'too good' to be associated with me. Is it because my husband is black? Is it because I am obese? I know these are shallow thoughts and conclusions but when I think about her and her personality, I wouldn't put it past her.
The thing I struggle with is expressing how this rejection is making me sad. It does make me feel less than worthwhile. It hurts because someone I've loved and cared about as a friend doesn't feel the same about me. And, it's not like we just met each other! This is a person whom I've confided in since I was a little girl. I've gone on vacation with her family. She visited me at college. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.
But, we lost touch. She got married. Moved away. I had my family and moved away. We sent Christmas cards for a few years then, nothing. I've made the attempts to reconnect. I've sent e-mails, letters, even a package. I've got to figure out how to deal with this rejection.
Do I just de-friend her from Facebook and call it a day? Do I just tuck away all the pictures and memories in a little box and bury it in the past?
How do I let go of an old friend?