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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ode to an Old Friend

What the heck did I do before Facebook?

I guess it was just over two years ago that I discovered Facebook, signed up, and started to reconnect with old friends.  It came at a time in my life when I could really use some extra support and love.  I truly appreciate a lot of the new-found friendships with people I knew from my past.

I began with an extensive list of people who have touched my life in some way, shape, or form.  Then, I extended my search to former classmates, neighbors, and some acquaintances.  At one point, it got totally out of hand and I was friending some people whom I never met but felt that our fondness for certain Facebook games was enough.  Needless to say, some time last year I kind of 'weeded' out those folks whom I truly didn't know or have a connection with or an appreciaton for.

I am not one of those people who measure my popularity or love by the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook.  I've never been popular or with the 'in' crowd.  I'm the type of person who would rather have a handful of meaningful connections than a multitude of acquaintances.  I am at the point, now, to really go through and evaluate who I want to be connected with.  Some may say, "Why are you making a big deal about it?".  But, I have to be honest and reveal that some folks have just pissed me off.

It's been eating away at me that someone that I grew up with and have known since we were young kids has basically ignored my attempts to reach out to them.  I really didn't want to give her the satisfaction of showing that I even cared but I'm not much for hiding my feelings.  The truth is I'm hurt.  Every October 29th I think about her (after all, it's her birthday) and I recall fond memories of our friendship.  Looking back on it, she never appeared to extend the same kindness nor reciprocate birthday wishes.

I've ruminated over what I might have done to her to make her treat me so coldly.  Yes, I posted pictures of us when we were kids.  But, when I look at them I have good childhood memories.  I recall the fun times we had.  I remember the laughter.  I've also thought about her, as a person, and how she may just think she's 'too good' to be associated with me.  Is it because my husband is black?  Is it because I am obese?  I know these are shallow thoughts and conclusions but when I think about her and her personality, I wouldn't put it past her.

The thing I struggle with is expressing how this rejection is making me sad.  It does make me feel less than worthwhile.  It hurts because someone I've loved and cared about as a friend doesn't feel the same about me.  And, it's not like we just met each other!  This is a person whom I've confided in since I was a little girl.  I've gone on vacation with her family.  She visited me at college.  I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

But, we lost touch.  She got married.  Moved away.  I had my family and moved away.  We sent Christmas cards for a few years then, nothing.  I've made the attempts to reconnect.  I've sent e-mails, letters, even a package.  I've got to figure out how to deal with this rejection.

Do I just de-friend her from Facebook and call it a day?  Do I just tuck away all the pictures and memories in a little box and bury it in the past?

How do I let go of an old friend?





2 comments:

  1. Most of the time, rejection has nothing to do with you, but the person pulling away. You can only control your own behavior and you know you are good hearted and well meaning. And...."f" her anyway. kidding....

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  2. Jennifer, as always thank you for taking the time to read and your offer of reassurance. I will reciprocate with a warm hug...did ya feel it?

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