Not much to say these days.
Tired of complaining.
The 'woe is me' story is getting really old and worn-out.
The ups and downs of life are really just what life is all about. Nothing is going to be perfect. And, striving for perfection is exhausting. Seeing life as something great while you're in the pits of despair is nearly impossible. But, once you climb out of the sinkhole you realize you can do it. It all comes down to mental dexterity.
Can I change my way of thinking so that I can actually convince myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel?
Is it possible that I have the strength, endurance, and fortitude within my soul to overcome obstacles which I subconsciously put in my own way?
It is so easy to take steps back, go on the wrong path, and fall into the same traps which you may have been released from previously in your life. Life is a journey of lessons that are presented to you. If you find yourself facing the same challenges over and over again it is because you have not mastered the lesson. It's like beating a dead horse; not satisfying, extremely cruel, and socially unacceptable.
But, really, who cares about what others think? You come into this world alone. You die alone. Everything in between, all the people we meet, and opportunities we take or pass on, are all part of OUR lessons to be learned in OUR life. My life is different than yours and hence my path to enlightenment will be unique to me.
As much as I say I don't care what others think or do I find myself getting angry, jealous, and annoyed by people. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, family members, pretty much any one I meet or hear about has the potential to incite a negative emotion within me. Perhaps this just means I am over-sensitive. Or, do I care too much?
Some times I wish I could be the type of self-actualized person who operates solely out of love and light and every thing is 'ohm'. They have balanced energy and have harnessed the best of 'chi'. I ponder if this is really where I want to end up at the end of my journey. If I embrace such a way of living will the REAL ME be lost in the over-abundance of positivity? Or, am I just 'made' to be a negative person?
At 46 years old I realize at least half my life is over. Some days I feel and act like a little girl protected from the evils of the world. Other days I feel and act like the evils of the world have penetrated my very soul. I am still not sure why I am here on this earth. I have no clue if I have contributed any thing of importance (other than my two beautiful sons). Is my path pre-determined? Will I end up dying without making an impact?
Life is a series of ups and downs. It is like the Dragoncoaster at Playland in Rye, New York. Old, rickety, fast, exciting, scary, exhilarating, twisting, and grinds to a halt just when you are having fun.