So, there was quite a mess to clean up after the recent holidays. I spent today vacuuming, dusting, mopping, doing laundry, organizing, stripping (the bed), sweating, and hurting. I didn't even make a dent. There is still so much I can do and want to do but my body said, "Nooooo..."
It's funny but when I was a young mother of young children and staying at home I had so much energy. Every day I paid special attention to make sure chores were done. Bathrooms were cleaned once a week. Laundry was done twice a week. Linens were changed more frequently. Things just seemed a little brighter. Now that I am an older stay-at-home mom with older children I just can't do as much. My enthusiasm is lackluster and my energy is easily depleted. I am at the point (as evidenced by the blog post) to resort to announcing all my accomplishments for the day just to give myself a pat on the back and justification for putting my body through this torture.
Okay, so now that I got that off my chest...I must divulge this strange feeling that I get at this time of the year. It is difficult to explain but I will try my best. I envision the monthly calendar as a clock. Visualize, if you can, that January would be 12:00, the symbol of a new beginning. February would be 1:00, and so on. Every year as we approach December I get this feeling within the pit of my stomach that time is running out and I am at the end of a cycle. I think about all of the resolutions or goals that I set at the beginning of the year and whether or not I've achieved them. I think about all of the things that occurred during the year and if they are open-ended how to resolve them, quickly.
On the bright side, and more importantly, I see past the darkness of the closing of one year and look toward the shining light and blossoming opportunity of a new, fresh year. A year that is unscathed and virginal. A year that holds promise for opportunities to jump over hurdles, cross the finish line, and fulfill my dreams. A new year signifies a new beginning for me. It offers hope and a second chance. It is a step in the light of positivity.
So, for the next couple of weeks while I wallow in the shades of darkness and December, closing the chapter on another year of some successes and some failures, I'm able to overcome the challenges and see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will give myself another shot. Another mulligan. An act of redemption at the prospect of rebirth. I will fulfill my December duties to the best of my ability so that I may enter the new year with a new attitude and positive perspective.
December is a time to revisit the events of the past year. It is a time to do the accounting of receipts, obligations, and compensation in preparation for paying the piper on April 15th. I can selfishly become introspective as I evaluate my progression as a human being. I take the time to envision what will make me happy and content. I see my surroundings in a critical light and note changes that would benefit the energy of our family. Call it a feng shui inventory of sorts. Most importantly, I invest the time in myself. I try to figure out the formula for what will give me inner peace and joy.
When I solve the equation, I'll let you know.