Test-Run in Asheville

It's been a while since I posted.  Or, at least to me, it seems like ages.

I changed (improved?) the look of the blog while I was experimenting one day and had time to kill.  When I view my blog now, I get a calm and serene sense of energy.  Under the old format and appearance it felt stern, serious, and a bit cold.  I hope this new face of my blog reflects how I'm feeling these days.  I trust that it does.

Spring Break seems like ages ago although it's barely been a month.  Going on vacations while you are in the midst of changing your lifestyle can certainly pose a challenge for those still new to establishing a new routine and adopting a new (healthy) habit.  Here is a summary of what transpired.

We left for Asheville, NC on a Wednesday.  We began our journey stocking up on our favorite, non-fat designer tea and coffee.  We needed the fuel for our four-hour journey to the mountains.  Halfway through our trip we stopped at a rest area since duty called (especially after inhaling our beverages).  I must say that the rest areas in North Carolina are truly a treat.  Yup, a treat!  They are clean, organized, informative, and might I say, restful.  You'd be hard-pressed to find such a rave review about the same in New Jersey.  But, North Carolina does have its good points at times.  Around lunch time we stopped at the chain restaurant, O'Charley's, and indulged in a delicious dinner meal of salad, salmon, and broccoli.  Surprisingly delicious.  We arrived in Asheville just around check in time and were pleasantly surprised with our room.  Not too bad for under $70 per night.  Thank you Best Western!  We decompressed for a little while and after checking maps and such we endeavored off to downtown Asheville.  Asheville, is a mountainous artsy community that maintains its efforts to shop locally and use produce grown locally.  There are over 250 privately owned restaurants in Asheville so finding a grub-spot with a flavorful menu was not a problem.  We found ourselves exhausted from our long drive and rather than keep searching for a restaurant we fell into the restaurant called, Solace.  It was on the corner, convenient, and had a lovely patio outside.  We chose to eat inside which sported lovely contemporary art with bold colors, tables with white linen table cloths and napkins, pleasant music, and helpful waitstaff.  I chose their vegetable plate and while it doesn't sound too exciting let me tell you, it was artfully assembled, aromatic, and absolutely delicious.  I would definitely order it again!  Got back to the hotel room.  Had my apple and fudge bar to top off the day.  Day one on vacation was a diet success!

Thursday was spent at The University of North Carolina in Asheville.  A mere 10 minutes from our hotel and downtown Asheville, the university sits on top of a hill and is one of the best laid out campuses I've seen.  While my son is only in ninth grade I feel it is never too early to put the seed of college and planning for one's future in the brain's of our children.  While he accompanied the family on my older son's college visits I want to show him the spectrum of possibilities for his college career.  I asked him to do some research on www.collegeboard.com and find two colleges in North Carolina and a 'dream' college out of state that would suit his criteria.  In the next few years I hope to visit the schools so he can choose the one that's right for him.  We'll also be visiting Wilmington and Yale University in New Haven, CT before his senior year.  UNCA is the only liberal arts college in the UNC system.  It is one of the smallest and least expensive.  It has a student to teacher ratio of 19:1.  The buildings have a modern and contemporary flavor.  We were signed up for the tour of the entire campus which was scheduled to last over one and one half hours.  I wasn't sure how far I would make it but I was willing to try.  When I realized how many hills, mountains, and stairs I'd be climbing I became less hopeful.  Then the rain storm came...I wanted to go through the tour not only for my son but for myself.  I wanted to prove that the weight I had loss thus far had meant something good.  Had meant that things had changed for the better, even a little.  My son and I ventured on the tour.  Up stairs, through puddles, soaked clothes, flattened hair, down steep hills.  At least three times I seriously contemplated texting my mother to have her pick me up.  I thought about turning back.  But, then I thought about pushing through the pain.  Through the challenge.  The pleasure, pride, and satisfaction of reaching a goal no matter how insurmountable it seems.  I soldiered through and made it!  My son was my inspiration.  My mother was tearful with pride.  I felt great.  We celebrated our long, wet day at Red Lobster.  With a salad, shrimp, and lobster (no butter, no biscuits, no croutons) day two was also a diet success!

I had read that Early Girl Eatery was a favorite jaunt for some of the cast of 'The Hunger Games' and on Friday we had an early lunch at the famous eatery.  We waited for thirty minutes and killed time walking the streets of downtown Asheville.  Asheville attracts a myriad of different folks:  artsy types, families, mature citizens, and even hippies.  It is not uncommon to see a musician on the street corner displaying their talent.  We stopped by Malaprop's Bookstore & Cafe.  Nicolas was psyched to grab books #3 and #4 of the Game of Thrones series.  We walked back to EGE and I enjoyed an omelette, whole wheat toast and their potatoes.  Everything was fresh and delicious.  The staff was very friendly as well.  We hit the Asheville Chamber of Commerce which sports lovely views of the Blue Ridge Mountains and a nice array of lawn sculptures.  You do see quite a bit of sculptures adorning homes throughout Asheville.  We caught the Red Line Trolley Tour and it is a must do for any visitor to Asheville.  Our guide, Uncle Ted, was fantastic.  Some of the highlights of the tour include:  Montford, The Grove Park Inn, Downtown Asheville, and the Biltmore Estate district.  As we headed back to the hotel we stopped at Outback and I indulged in prime rib with broccoli and a small dinner salad (no croutons).  Day three of dieting while on vacation was also a success.

On Saturday we headed back home with a stop over planned in Greensboro to see Justin and pick up some of his items to bring home.  We checked into our favorite, conveniently located Best Western, and then drove to pick up Justin.  We took him to our favorite restaurant, Darryl's.  I ordered my salmon with veggies.  Very tasty.  We took Justin to Food Lion so that he could stock up on his favorite items for the last four weeks of school.  Picked up a six-pack of Fiji water which, while extremely expensive, is probably the best, damn-tasting water around.  Listen, if you are not a drinker and are on a strict diet anyway, why not treat yourself to the best?!  Later in the evening we each got a delicious deli sandwich from Jimmy John's.  We made healthy choices so there was not much (although there was a little) guilt involved.

On Sunday we enjoyed BW's complimentary continental breakfast and hit the road for home.  We always like to make a stop at a last restaurant before we walk in the front door of our homes after a vacation.  So,  by the time we hit Raleigh we stopped at Ruby Tuesday.  The grilled salmon under their 'fit & trim' menu was divine and made so by the addition of grilled zucchini and roasted spaghetti squash.  Amazing.

In summary, my trip to Asheville was a success on many levels.  I was inspired by the artsy culture, home-grown thoughtfulness, mountain scenery, and the people I was with.  I conquered my default behavior of quitting in the face of a challenge.  I stuck to my plan of making healthy choices.  I feel more confident that the effort to be healthy is becoming more of a habit.

Kudos to me!

A Little Ditty to Myself

This morning I was going through some papers on my desk trying to get organized and to consolidate important information written on various post-it notes and what not.

I came across the following 'poem' that I composed for my older son a couple of months ago when he sounded stressed out.  I wanted to hug him but being that he's away at college I tried to do it through words:

Every time I think of you,
Tears well in my eyes.

I realize that you're on your own;
It is no real surprise.

To be a success in life,
You have all the tools you need.

The decisions you make
Are yours.

You must own them
From the start.

But I am here
For you.

Forever and a day.

'Cause I will always love you.
I will not fade away.

As I read it today, I feel as if the words are written especially for me.  It is a message from me, written in the past, to me in the future.

As I go through my personal transformation I have to recognize and acknowledge the 'me' of the past.  I had the opportunity to confront the real me of the past.  It is strange and difficult to even explain what I mean as I write what happened.  I was going through old pictures to locate some photos for my son's school project.  Innocent enough.  As I fumbled through a couple of hundred pictures I saw a few of myself.  There were only a few because I am 'camera shy' because of my weight.  It is a damn shame, I thought, as I rifled through the old photos of my past.  In the pictures I saw my beautiful boys growing up and changing.  Almost 20 years of memories.  Yet, this re-hashing of the past made me sad, angry, embarrassed, and guilty.

This type of dysmorphia is like an optical illusion.  It is also like a mental delusion.  I look at the pictures now as a person going through change and I don't recognize the me of the past.  Or, maybe I do FINALLY see myself as I truly was and I cry for her.  This person that I was.  Living in sadness.  Living with pain.  Why else would someone choose to abuse themselves so publicly?  Morbid obesity is not something you can hide.  It is visible, evident, and tangible.  It is a free pass for strangers to make an initial assessment of that person based on appearance alone.  It is the truth.

I am sad, angry, embarrassed, and guilty.  I am sad at the person I was at the time.  Unable to see what I was doing to myself.  Unable to see how others saw me; strangers who didn't give me a chance to get to know me.  I am angry that I could not see what I was doing to myself.  What I was doing to my family.  I was bruising their childhood memories.  I am embarrassed that I selfishly walked around in public exhibiting my pain.  I am embarrassed that I shamed my family.  I stole happiness from my son's childhood.  By making myself physically incapable of movement and enjoyment I ripped life experiences from their grasp.  I am guilty that I couldn't see what I was doing to myself.  I am guilty of living in denial.  I am guilty of making my family victims of my selfish behavior, pain, and denial.

I want to apologize to my entire family for mistreating you the way I mistreated myself.  Because I refused for so many years to deal with my pain in a different way, I robbed you all of happiness.  You got sucked into my behavior and because you all love me so much made yourselves co-dependents.  I understand you didn't want to hurt my feelings.  You tip-toed around my moods.  It is unfair that you became embroiled in my disease.  And, I truly apologize.  I hope you will forgive me but if you don't, please don't forget how much I love and appreciate you all.  You did what you thought was best at the time.  I realize now that no one else could change me, except myself!

In reading the words I wrote to my son I find that it is a message meant for me.  I know that I already own all the tools I need to succeed in life.  Whether or not I do it is my decision.  Ultimately, I am the one in the driver seat and will be with myself until I die.  I find comfort in the words as I read them today.  It is an acknowledgement to myself.

How did I know that I could use a hug today?  I must be psychic!

Progress Report

After nine weeks of attending my weekly Diet Center consultation I can report the following progress:

• 23 pounds lost
• 32 inches lost
• Confidence gained!

I plan to continue practicing all of the good habits and healthy eating plan that I learned at Diet Center.  After Easter, I will join Curves and incorporate a weekly fitness program into my journey.

You see, my local Diet Center is closing and our consultant has retired.  The closest office to us is not very close nor convenient.  However, I feel confident that I can follow the healthy eating plan.  I just need a place to 'check-in' once a week and make sure my weight-loss journey stays on track.  I joined Curves a couple of years ago and stopped going for financial reasons.  This time around I must keep in mind that I am worth the investment of time and money into a fitness program.  This time around I will have my best buddy, my mom, to accompany me and continue our mutual support system.

I have learned that in order to grow as a person and to understand who you are in life it is imperative to be honest and share your experiences with others.  While my success is not a recipe for everyone wanting to change their life there are certainly people who will benefit from the details of my story.  The difference in success in anything is MINDSET.  I could give you all of the diet advice and 'secrets' that have helped me but unless you adopt the frame of mind that you DESERVE to be healthy, the following will be just words.  Every one has their own, individual journey and this is mine...

My daily caloric intake hovers between 1100 and 1300 per day.  I am a much larger woman but this amount has allowed me to lose an average of 2.5 pounds per week with no exercise!

Every morning I have fresh squeezed lemon juice (about half a lemon) with warm water.  I take calcium, a multi-vitamin, an anti-oxidant, and vitamin B complex.  I also have a large cup of green tea with honey.

I write down every single thing I consume each day including vitamins and amount of water (a minimum of 64 ounces).

I limit the amount of salt, butter, and drink no alcohol.  I enjoy using non-stick cooking spray, garlic, Mrs. Dash, fresh ground pepper, and herbs for seasoning.  When I have a salad I use:  olive oil, vinegar, or balsamic vinaigrette (no more blue cheese).

I am 'allowed' the following each day:

• 3 Starches @ about 60 calories each
• 5 Vegetables @ about 25 calories each
• 2 Fruits @ about 60 calories each
• 6 Protein @ about 55 calories each
• 2 Dairy @ about 90 calories each
• 2 Fats @ about 45 calories each
• 2 Additional @ about 20 calories each

My favorite starches are:  brown rice, wasa, oatmeal, whole wheat bread, and whole wheat pasta.
My favorite vegetables are:  broccoli, lettuce (all kinds), Brussel sprouts, zucchini,  tomato, mushrooms, spinach, peppers, carrots, and cucumber.
My favorite fruits are:  bananas, grapefruit, strawberries, and apple (must have at least one per day).
My favorite proteins are:  chicken, turkey, salmon, tuna, shrimp, scallops, and lean beef.
My favorite dairy is:  cottage cheese, fat-free cheese, yogurt (Greek and non-fat) and Diet Center fudge bar.

I try to vary my routine throughout the day but there are some things which work for me.  A large salad at lunch or dinner.  An apple, dairy, and butter-free popcorn (on nights that I'm still hungry).  I have my good days and bad days like every one else but I realize I have to treat each day as a new opportunity to live a healthy life.

It's all in the MINDSET!

Concentrate on the Positive

While this week has not been monumental in the weight-loss department (20 pounds after eight weeks), I choose to focus on the positive things that happened this week.

1. I did not gain weight, I lost it.
2. I received an unexpected package in the mail from a dear friend who saw something and thought of me!
3. I had more energy than I've had in the last two years and accomplished some spring cleaning and reduced household clutter that has been laying around for years (literally, years).
4. I saw my cardiologist and he praised me for my weight-loss success and gave me an 'A+'.
5. I do not have to see my heart doctor until next year.
6. My blood pressure has improved.
7. Some clothes that I purchased are too big; a catch-22 since I like them but I won't be able to wear them. 
8. Goodbye 3X, 2X (almost), and XX-Large (Old Navy).
9. I am consistently writing a blog post at least once a week to document my journey and progress.
10. I am looking forward to gardening and yard work which I have been unable to do for two years.

Another big item I've been considering is getting rid of my vinyl album collection and old stereo.  On the one hand I want to keep it because it brings back memories and I enjoy reminiscing about the past.  On the other hand, I am on a mission to simplify and de-clutter my entire house.  The albums and stereo have become an eyesore to me.  If I had a space dedicated to all things music and entertainment I could compartmentalize so many items like:  records, video game consoles and equipment, and guitars and a piano keyboard.  Unfortunately, we just don't have the extra space.  I've always thought about converting the garage to a 'playroom' but that would require funding and besides, the garage is my husband's domain.

So, to discard my music collection is a huge step for me.  Holding on to these items is like me clinging to the past.  I don't want to regret this decision.  I know there are some vinyl aficionados out there that think I am crazy to even entertain such a move.  I've thought about listing my collection for sale on Craig's List.  But, deep down getting rid of this history and joy would be like losing something you love.  In times of desperation, I have sold things I've collected and appreciated on E-bay.  I needed the money at the time.  But, looking back, I regret some of these decisions.  Music has always given me joy and hope.  Music can alter my mood and bring me out of a funk.  It is a type of therapy.  So, I had about 150 cassettes that I collected (mostly in the 1980's) and sold that collection.  I had over 100 CD's and sold them. 

When I first began my record collection it was only a few years ago.  While I grew up with vinyl record albums the ones I had as a child were lost somewhere between college and moving on to adulthood.  I happened to spot a stereo with a number of crates of record albums at a yard sale a few years ago.  Immediately, I had the bright idea to 'invest' in this collection as a way to make money on E-bay.  I continued to frequent yard sales and add to my collection.  I learned about the potential value of vinyl through sources such as the Goldmine guide.  E-bay and vinyl became a profitable hobby at one time.  But, after getting burned a couple of times on E-bay I decided to keep whatever was left of the collection to myself.  Most of my collection is classical, opera, and a mix of 1970's soft rock.  When I visit our local used book store and more I always check out their clearance vinyl.  It is just a fun thing to do.  Again, a hobby.  But, as we know from watching shows like 'Hoarders', hobbies can get out of control.

So, this week I continue to struggle with the big decision of what to do with my collection that has been my coping mechanism and part of my 'therapy' these past few years.  I have to decide what is more important to me, getting rid of eyesores or holding onto things that make you feel good.  Perhaps there's a happy medium somewhere in there?

My mission this week is to find that place!

The Vision, Revisited

It's quite ironic that as I make my way through spring cleaning and a general organization frenzy I should come across my vision board that I created last year.  And, it was just around this time last year (March 24th to be exact) that I wrote about it on this blog.  The funny thing is is that I have embraced my vision without it even being in my line of sight.  Unfortunately for me, it had been folded up and shoved in between some bags on the bottom of my hall closet floor.  I must say that today I took the time to locate the push pins and place my vision board right in front of the computer where I happen to write my blogs.  Even though this happens to be in my son's room it is in my field of vision and Nicolas is pretty agreeable and supportive of my ventures to self-improvement.

I was never really a doubter of the potential power of  a vision board, if I were I would never have spent the time collecting the images and phrases and strategically placing them on the blank, white canvas.  I also would not have considered placing my vows and vision statement in writing and including them on my board.  I did spend thoughtful time putting this tool together last year so I would consider myself a hopeful believer in the power of 'The Secret'.

But, back again to the irony.  So, I created the board last year.  It had many aspirations and goals emblazoned on its surface.  It was placed out of sight for a year (not my doing but I think I know who the culprit is).  And, the funny thing is, a year later, some of this vision has 'come true'.

Here are some examples:

• I traveled to Carolina Beach, North Carolina and Myrtle Beach, South Carolina;
• I put money in my savings and I have more money in my pocket;
• I started to get in shape without setting foot in a gym;
• I eat delicious, healthy meals that are balanced and nutritious;
• I stress less and relax more;
• I found my own identity which feels great!;
• I own what I am:  independent, intuitive, smart, straightforward, pretty, and sexy;
• I love every day;
• I bought some great lingerie and have more romance, desire, and happiness in my life.

These are ongoing life changes that I've embraced in the last year thanks to my vision board.  Out of sight, out of mind?  Not necessarily.  Once you set your mind to something and 'put it out there in the universe' you will be heard.  There is still quite a bit to be accomplished from my vision board and every day is another step towards getting everything I want and deserve.

Total pounds lost after week seven:  19.6!

Ageant Saboteur

It happened last week.  It was inevitable, of course, but it came as a surprise nonetheless.

Ageant Saboteur knocked on my door.  He tested me with questions.  And he questioned my motives.  He tested my will.  And he tempted me with his nonchalance.   He did it with such cunning and prowess.  He had masterful skill.

After six weeks of adopting a new, healthy lifestyle I am 16.8 pounds less than I was when I started.  But, more impressive is, perhaps, the total inches I've lost:  22.  It is a combination of measuring:  neck, upper arm, upper chest, bust, rib cage, waist, hips, butt, thighs, knees, and calves.  So, it averages to about two inches for each measurement.  I have noticed a bit of a difference and while I only lost one half a pound last week, knowing that I am losing inches helps to push me along my journey.  I will be going to Diet Center until the end of the month when the local office closes.  That gives me another three weeks to lose at least a total of 20 pounds.  It sounds reasonable but we'll take it one day at a time.

So, getting back to my little sabotage incident...

My older son, who is home for spring break, accompanied us to dinner at Applebee's.  Applebee's has a pretty decent menu selection for folks watching their calories so it is on our list of frequented restaurants.  I mentioned that I no longer order appetizers but that he was free to indulge.  And, he asked me why.  I said something like, "You didn't notice I lost a little weight or that I'm trying to eat healthy?" And his reply was, "No."

This kind of threw me for a loop since he hasn't seen me in a month and you would notice if I wasn't eating my daily bagel or having a bunless burger.  But not him.  He's in his own little college world.  He then proceeded to order mozzarella sticks and upon their arrival to the table, he offered me one.  Hello?  Did I not just finish telling him that I was eating healthy?!  He didn't quite insist I eat it but then he proceeded to question my motives for trying to become healthier.  I reiterated that:

• I want to live longer so that I may see my grandkids one day.
• I want to feel better.
• I want to look better.
• I want to be able to wear a bathing suit on the beach and not embarrass the people I'm with.
• I want to lose weight.
• I want to be able to move more.
• I want to be able to travel if I need to.

To me these all seem like quite justifiable reasons to indulge in a healthy lifestyle.  But my little ageant saboteur was not the least bit impressed.

It was a difficult lesson for me to learn that even some people you love (and who love you) will not always buy into what you choose to do with your life.  There will be a 'devil's advocate' to question your motives and make you sit back and contemplate the reasons for your actions.  I realize it is not a bad thing to be around someone with opposing views because it can reinforce your convictions.

So, I say, 'thank you', to all the folks who will try to sabotage or put obstacles in my way.  I will come out stronger and a winner (or at least the biggest loser)!

4 Times 5 Equals 20

Today I am trying something different and am expressing myself with a math equation:  4 x 5=20.  No, it is not how much weight I've lost in five weeks (although I must mention that I am down 16.2 pounds after five weeks!).  The number twenty represents the number of years I've been married to my spouse and friend, David.  If you were to count the actual number of anniversaries we have had it would more accurately be five due to the fact that we got hitched on Leap Day, February 29, 1992.

So what, who cares, right?  Well, normally I don't get all crazy and sappy with these occasions but I would like to take this opportunity to explain why it is significant and to share a little of our 'love' story.

David and I met in early 1990.  We were both unemployed at the time.  We met at a bar, Sam's in Port Chester, New York.  Not the ideal place to meet your future mate but I am sure I am not the first one to fall into this trap.  He was a nomadic blue collar roofer; running from his past and toward an ambiguous future.  I was in the midst of a family in chaos; my parents were in the stages of divorce.  And with us all living at home I was searching for any excuse not to be caught in the drama.

I think what attracted me most to David was his energetic smile that exuded a wide grin, manly giggle, and expressively crinkled eyes simultaneously.  His presence drew me in.  It didn't matter what he looked like, in fact, he wore a red bandanna, dirty work clothes, and heavy work boots when I first saw him.  The thing that was irresistible about David was his energy and the attention he gave me.  The eye contact was sincere and powerful.  It didn't matter to him that I was a 170-pound, size-14 woman.  (Which is funny now because I would die to be that size again!).  We just had a connection.

There was so much stacked against us from the very beginning.  We had nothing.  He lived in a room in a boarding house in Port Chester, NY with no means of transportation.  I was unemployed and living at home in a very tense situation.  No jobs.  But, we found each other.  After getting to know David in a very short period I believed he was such a special person and someone who could give me the support I needed to get my life back on track.  It was emotional support; something you just can't put a price on.  On the same level I was excited to help him get on track with his life.  I knew he had such great interpersonal skills and saw him doing much more than laying a tar roof.  He was under-utilizing what 'God' gave him.

Our situations improved.  I found employment and he got a different opportunity.  We pursued our relationship for months even when it became a long-distance affair.  I drove every Friday from Stamford, CT over the Tappan Zee Bridge to Monroe, NY.  At the end of the weekend I would drive directly to work on Monday morning.  We did this for a good six months.  David moved to Stamford, CT and eventually we moved in together on Warren Street.  Not a great neighborhood but affordable at the time.  In the mean time I was moving up the corporate ladder in the insurance industry.  And with a little encouragement and self-esteem building David secured a bank-teller position and then became office manager at a liquor importer.  Our love was the foundation that helped elevate each of us in our working lives.

Eventually, I envisioned having a family with David.  I was NEVER the type of girl to dream about the day that her father would give her away at a huge wedding while walking down the aisle in a flowing, white wedding dress.  That was never important to me.  But, being in love with David changed that.  He made me want to have a family.

Things were going great for both of us when I unexpectedly became pregnant.  I remember the day I found out.  The doctor called me at work and right after sharing the news the nurse said, "Do you want to keep it?!".  There was no doubt in my mind, I would keep the baby.  It was difficult telling my family especially since they had doubts about our relationship from the beginning.  I would not call them prejudice, per se, but they did not envision me being with a man of color.  Which is funny to me because I've always been interested in people who are different than me and have had friends from many different backgrounds, cultures, and religions.  Needless to say, the odds were stacked against us.  At least in the eyes of my family.

You see, I must reiterate that I never saw my husband as a 'black man'.  He was and is a kind person who cares about me.  I am a bit oblivious to the world around us.  I just know that we are good people and if society does not care for us based on our skin color and the fact that we are in a mixed marriage then that is societies' problem.  But, realistically, this was another factor whose odds were against us.

The one thing that I was adamant about was the fact that I would require marriage.  There was no way I would give birth to a bastard, illegitimate child.  I won't say that I made David marry me but he really didn't have a choice.  I chose to get married on Leap Day because it was a unique occasion and it only happened once every four years.  So, the pressure was off David to have to acknowledge it every year (although he does).

I was six months pregnant when David and I exchanged vows in front of a justice of the peace.  My mom was there as the only witness.  I wore a teal and black maternity outfit.  We exchanged matching, gold wedding bands that we purchased at J.C. Penney for under $100 each.  It was a simple ceremony with a few Polaroid snapshots taken for posterity.  No white dress.  No church.  No guests.  No father of the bride.  No band.  No videographer.  No headache.  We exchanged our vows out of our simple love for each other.

We had a reception in April where we met, at Sam's in Port Chester, NY.  There were about 40 members of our friends and family who celebrated with us.  And, of course, my mom treated us to a beautiful wedding cake that fit the occasion perfectly.

My point in sharing my story is that even when every thing is against you, you can still come out on top.  Love does not require wealth and fanfare.  Sharing your life with someone is all encompassing and is enhanced with highs and lows.

Having a diamond ring isn't important to me.  After 20 years I still wear the gold band from J.C. Penney's as a symbol of commitment to my husband and friend, David.